


Solaces Never Dreamed of: A Domestic Romance

by McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:50:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11002509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: When Severus wakes up after the Battle of Hogwarts and finds himself still alive, he decides it’s time to set his life on a different course.





	1. June, 1998

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2008.

When Severus awoke, it was to a familiar antiseptic scent that he associated with St. Mungo's. He breathed in deeply even though the odor stung his nose, because surely the afterlife didn't smell like a hospital, which meant he must be alive after all.

Exerting great effort, he cracked open his gummy eyelids and peeked out at the world, but he saw nothing but a bland white wall opposite him and his own feet draped in a white sheet at the end of his bed. 

"I don't mind, really." A woman's voice, sounding close by, reached him, and he rolled his head on the pillow, only to be thwarted by a curtain drawn between himself and whoever was on the other side of it. "The two of you are the only family I have left." The woman paused, and her voice was harder when she added, "The only family I wish to acknowledge, at any rate. You're welcome to stay with me as long as you need to once the Healers release you."

"That's very kind of you." The answering voice was male, husky, and somehow familiar, and Severus drifted off to sleep while he was trying to place it. 

When Severus woke again, he felt less groggy, but he didn't try to open his eyes this time. Instead, he listened, but he heard nothing in the still room but the occasional rustle of his roommate's sheets, and he fell asleep, knowing no more than he had before. 

The third time he woke up, there was a matronly-looking woman in lime green robes standing next to his bed. She smiled cheerfully when he opened his eyes, pausing in whatever diagnostic charm she had been casting over him. 

"You're awake, then," she said. "We were wondering when you'd be rejoining the world. How do you feel?" 

Severus opened his mouth and tried to reply, but all that came out were rough, garbled noises that he scarcely recognized as coming from his own throat. 

"Oh, dear." The Healer lowered her wand and gave him a sympathetic look. "We were afraid of that. Do you remember what happened? Just nod or shake your head." 

Images of that damned big snake lunging at him rose up in his mind, and he could practically feel the searing pain of its venom anew. Closing his eyes briefly, he nodded. 

"Your throat was badly damaged," the Healer explained, moving to the bedside table to pour him a glass of water. "Between the tearing and the venom... well." She offered him the glass and held it steady at his lips so he could drink when he lifted his hand and found it shook too much to hold anything just yet. "You'll be able to talk again, but it might be a while, and it's unlikely you'll ever sound like your old self. I'm sorry," she added softly once he had finished drinking. 

Severus digested this information, not terribly surprised to learn the damage had been extensive; all things considered, he was lucky to be alive, and while it was just like that fickle bitch, Fate, to take away one of the few things he liked about himself -- his voice -- it was better to lose his voice than his life. 

Provided, of course, that he wasn't going to be shipped off to spend the rest of it in Azkaban as soon as he was well enough to be released. To spend the first almost-forty years of his life in servitude and the rest of it in prison was a bit much even for Fate to throw at him, and he had hoped for better. He didn't want medals, accolades, or parties in his honor, just freedom. That would be more than enough to satisfy him at this point. 

There were questions he wanted to ask: did they win? Was the Dark Lord gone for good? Who died? But he couldn't speak, and his eyelids were drooping again, and the Healer patted his hand gently. 

"Don't fret about anything right now," she said quietly. "Just rest. There will be plenty of time for talking later." 

A long, soft sigh escaped him as he stopped fighting and closed his eyes, yielding to sleep again; he heard her retreating footsteps and heard that familiar voice on the other side of the curtain. 

"Is he awake? Will he be all right?"

"He'll be fine," the Healer replied. "He won't be able to speak well for a while, but otherwise, he's healing nicely. He just needs his rest." 

"Good. That's very good. We've had enough losses."

 _Someone is glad I'm alive_ , Severus thought, and that pleasant revelation lingered in his mind as he drifted off once more. 

He dreamed, and in his dreams, he was back in the Shrieking Shack, and Nagini's thick body was coiled around him, squeezing tighter and tighter. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe...

He awoke with a ragged gasp and bolted upright, sweat beaded on his skin and his heart pounding. He gulped for air, awash in relief to find the constriction he had felt was nothing more than the sheets tangled around his legs, and he kicked them off, needing to be free while he shook off the dark remnants of the nightmare. 

He heard the scrape of metal rings as the curtain beside his bed was drawn back, and he glanced over to see who had done it. 

Lupin. 

Remus Lupin was his roommate, and he mentally kicked himself for not recognizing Lupin's voice sooner. 

"Are you all right, Severus?" Lupin was peering at him with concern, but Severus noticed that Lupin was leaning heavily on a cane, and his face was pale. Clearly, the effort of getting up had been too much for him, and Severus nodded brusquely and waved one hand toward Lupin's bed in what he hoped was a clear "Go away" gesture. Lupin, the stubborn arse, didn't move; he remained where he was and continued looking at Severus. "Should I call a Healer?"

Severus shook his head, wondering how to make Lupin understand what had happened without attempting to speak. He tapped his temple, and Lupin frowned, seeming puzzled. 

"Do you have a headache?"

With an annoyed huff, Severus shook his head. He thought for a moment, and then he tilted his head and mimed being asleep; he tapped his head again before pretending to wake up with a frightened start, and this time, Lupin nodded. 

"A nightmare?" he asked, and Severus gave a terse nod. "They could give you a sleeping potion." 

Severus shook his head. He was awake now, and for the first time, he didn't feel groggy, and he wanted to enjoy being awake and alive before fatigue overcame him again. He shook out the sheets and fluffed his pillows, and then he leaned back, although he had no idea what to do after that. There were no books or magazines on his bedside table, and he had nothing to do but sit and think. 

Well, he supposed he could converse with Lupin, even though it would be a one-sided conversation. At least Lupin might know more about what had happened and be willing to tell him about the battle and whether Potter had managed to do his damned job adequately or not. He glanced at Lupin and mimed writing. 

"You want something to write with?"

Severus nodded, and Lupin limped awkwardly over to his own bed and rummaged in the drawer of his own bedside table. 

"I have a quill and some parchment," he said. "I've been awake longer than you have, and it does get bloody boring just lying there for hours on end. Fortunately, they don't mind if I write letters. Andromeda visits every few days, but I like keeping up with Teddy on a daily basis. Ah, here we are." 

Lupin gathered up a quill, parchment, a bottle of ink, and a narrow book, and he carried the items to Severus, who accepted them eagerly. Using the book as a makeshift writing surface, he opened the ink, dipped in the quill, and scribbled a list of questions swiftly. He handed the parchment to Lupin and sat back, gazing at him expectantly. 

Accepting the parchment, Lupin peered at it at arms-length and scanned it, his eyebrows climbing. "You do have quite a few questions," he remarked, amusement lacing his husky voice. "I hope you don't mind if I return to bed. My strength isn't back to normal quite yet, and this might take a while." 

Once he was settled in his bed, Lupin leaned back against the pillows and reached for his glasses. "That's better," he said, sounding satisfied as he read over the questions again. "Right. Question one. Well, that's answered easily enough." He glanced at Severus over the top of his glasses. "We did." 

Severus sagged with relief at the confirmation. He had thought the Order must have prevailed since he wasn't dead, but he was glad to learn his assumption was correct nonetheless. 

"Question two," Remus continued, turning his attention back to the parchment. "Yes, Voldemort is gone for good this time. Harry, Ron, and Hermione destroyed all the Horcruxes, and he died from a rebounded Killing Curse. Again," Lupin added dryly. "There was a great deal about a wand that no one has fully explained to me yet, and the _Daily Prophet_ has been remarkably mum on the subject, but as I understand it, Voldemort has been destroyed, body and soul, and there is no possible way he can return this time." 

Severus nodded and, momentarily forgetting the damage to his throat, uttered a hoarse, garbled noise that sounded as close to "Good" as he could manage. Fortunately, it seemed Lupin understood his intent, if not the actual word. 

"I imagine that _is_ quite a relief to you," he said, gazing at Severus speculatively. "Your job is over." 

Severus hadn't thought of it exactly that way, but Lupin was correct. Severus had done his best to fight for the side of light for nearly twenty years, and now the war was over. What happened now, of course, was contingent on whether he was going to be thrown in jail or not, and he frowned and gestured brusquely to the parchment, a silent demand for Lupin to continue. 

"Right. Well..." Lupin glanced down at the parchment. "Ah, there we are. Question three." He glanced at Severus over the top of his glasses again. "No, I don't think so. It's my understanding that Harry showed the memories you gave him to Minerva and Kingsley. Oh, and Kingsley is running for Minister of Magic, I should add. The election is coming up soon, I believe. At any rate, the three of them managed to get your name cleared. There was a great deal about it in the newspaper. You were on the front page, even. I believe you will have to go before the Wizengamot to answer for casting a Killing Curse, but they wouldn't dare sentence you to Azkaban at this point, not with both public opinion _and_ Harry Potter on your side." 

 Severus gave a loud and derisive snort at that. After pulling Potter's nuts from the fire roughly once a year for the past seven years, Severus now found himself in the position of having been saved by Potter, who would doubtless expect Severus to show a great deal more gratitude than Potter had ever shown _him_. 

"Question four." Lupin fell silent and stared down at the parchment, and when Severus glanced at him, he saw Lupin appeared pensive. "We lost too many," Lupin said at last, his voice soft and sad. "There were over fifty deaths by the end of the battle. You'll be pleased to know only one Slytherin student was among the number: Vincent Crabbe. The rest of Slytherin House left the school, except for Slughorn. He remained and fought with the Order." 

Lupin fell silent again, and the parchment slipped from his fingers, which he didn't appear to notice. "Colin Creevey died. I'm sure you remember him. Little lad always with a camera." 

_Fanatically devoted to Potter_ , Severus thought. He was indeed relieved that his former wards had not been hurt, but his relief was mingled with disappointment that none of them had stayed behind to fight. He hadn't served as a good role model, and while he could blame his role as a spy for it easily enough, he knew he might have done more to undermine the Dark Lord from within his House ranks. _So much for unity_ , he thought. He, too, had got caught up in House loyalty over doing what was right, and now he understood that such arbitrary lines in the sand meant nothing. Honor, justice, good triumphing over evil \-- those were things worth fighting for. The idea of which House was best was not. 

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he barely registered that Lupin had spoken again. 

"Tonks was killed." Lupin's voice was flat and devoid of emotion now. 

Severus remembered hearing about the hasty wedding and impending spawn from Minerva; he hadn't been invited to the wedding, of course, and he wouldn't have gone even if he had been, because he thought it ranked up there among the most asinine things Lupin had ever done in his life, which was saying something. Lupin should have told the girl he was gay, but then Lupin had never been good with the truth. 

Not that Severus had _proof_ Lupin was gay, but if Lupin wasn't, Severus would eat his grandfather's moldy old bowler for lunch with his grandmother's dusty antimacassars for dessert. He hadn't spent twenty bloody years as a spy -- a successful one, mind you, since he lived to tell the tale -- without learning a thing or two about observation and reading people. 

He scribbled a single word -- _sorry_ \-- on a piece of parchment, tore off the slip, and sent it bobbing over to Lupin with a great effort of both wandless and wordless magic. Lupin read the slip and lifted his head, smiling wanly. 

"Thank you," he replied. "It was the Killing Curse, of course. Actually, I was presumed dead for a while myself. The curse struck her at full force and grazed me. I got enough of it to be knocked senseless, and when I awoke at last, I was paralyzed. They weren't certain it would wear off, but it has. Slowly. My fingers are still a little numb, and I can't walk well yet, but I'm better than I was." He shrugged and smiled wryly. "And at least I am alive to raise my son."  He looked at Severus, his expression turning puzzled. "For that matter, how did _you_ survive? Harry said he saw you lying dead on the floor of the Shrieking Shack." 

Picking up the quill again, Severus began to write, and when he finished, he levitated the note to Lupin. 

_Minerva knew about my role, and she was my liaison to the Order all this year, although we pretended to be at odds in public. When we realized matters were coming to a head, we staged a scene in which she Ôdrove me out' of the castle so that I could keep an eye on the Dark Lord's movements and report back. Also so I would not be forced to choose between fighting against allies to maintain my cover or risking my status as a spy, which, if we had not won the battle, would have continued to be of use to the Order._

_We had an arrangement that if I did not check in with her every thirty minutes while I was away from the castle, she would send a house-elf to check on me. After Arthur Weasley was attacked by that bloody damned snake, we devised a plan in case I was ever attacked as well. I presume the emergency plans were implemented, and that was what kept me alive long enough to be brought here._

"I see." Lupin looked up from the note and studied him for a moment. "We were both quite lucky, then." He put the note aside and picked up Severus' list of questions again. "Where were we...? Oh, yes. Question five. As far as I know, Draco is fine. I haven't seen him, obviously, but he wasn't listed among the dead, so I assume that means he survived the battle relatively unscathed. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy are also alive and well, I'm given to understand, but Bellatrix Lestrange is not." Lupin smiled slightly, gazing at Severus with amusement in his eyes. "Molly did it, actually. I understand she turned into quite an Amazon." 

Severus frowned at that and scribbled another note. _I should have thought Longbottom would have wanted Bellatrix's hide, not Molly Weasley._

"Yes, that would have been a nice bit of symmetry," Lupin agreed with a nod. "Not to mention retribution for Frank and Alice. Unfortunately for Neville, Molly got there first. He did dispatch that Ôbloody damned snake', though." 

Severus screwed up his face with disgust and annoyance at that. He didn't like the thought of having any reason to be grateful to Longbottom. 

"Did you have any other questions?" Lupin asked, and Severus considered for a moment before shaking his head. 

His immediate questions and concerns had been addressed, and while he would probably think of other things he wanted to know later, he was satisfied for now. He was growing tired as well, and he slumped wearily against his pillow. 

"Just rest, Severus," Lupin said, his voice quiet and soothing. "We'll have plenty of time to talk later." 

Severus obstinately tried to stay awake, not wanting to slip back into unconsciousness, even temporarily, after being out of the world for so long, but his eyelids fluttered shut, and despite his best efforts, he was asleep again within ten minutes. 

They let him eat something when he woke up again. If one could call tepid, unseasoned porridge "food", which Severus didn't. He felt as if he could devour an entire roast chicken on his own, yet they insisted on feeding him bland swill, saying it was better for an invalid's recuperating stomach than anything rich or spicy. Severus objected to being considered an invalid, but his attempts to disprove his status left him disgruntled and grumpy when he discovered he was still as weak as water. Even stealing Lupin's cane didn't help since his legs refused to support him without wobbling. 

But he improved steadily each day, and sharing a room with Lupin didn't prove to be as odious as he once might have thought it would be. Lupin didn't annoy him with endless streams of mindless chatter, and he didn't gaze at Severus with judgment, mockery, or pity in his eyes when Severus awoke from yet another strangulation nightmare. 

Severus had visitors, which surprised him. Minerva came to see him and crossly accused him of deliberately causing her undue stress even as she stroked the back of his hand, her eyes suspiciously watery behind her spectacles. She also brought him some books, for which he was profoundly grateful. Hermione Granger visited as well, and she brought a stack of newspapers, back issues of _The Daily Prophet_ so he could catch up on what he had missed. She called him brave and almost wept, but his scowling seemed to keep her tears at bay. 

Kingsley Shacklebolt came by to thank him for his part in assisting the Order. Shacklebolt had convinced the Wizengamot to give him a slap on the wrist for casting the Killing Curse given it was done at the request of the victim, which meant he had to pay a small fine and couldn't leave the country for six months, which was fine because Severus hadn't planned on going anywhere anyway. 

He wasn't certain what he _was_ going to do, but he supposed he had time to figure it out once he was released from the hospital and could walk and talk again. 

During the day, he was all right. He read the books Minerva had given him, and he held odd conversations with Lupin in which Lupin talked and Severus occasionally scribbled notes and, as his voice improved, uttered brief responses. At first, their conversations were restricted to innocuous subjects, neither of them being the kind of man who put aside his mask easily. Lupin was, Severus knew, just as adept at hiding as Severus was, only his mask was more polite. 

During the day, they both had visitors to offer distractions as well, although Lupin had more than he did. Sometimes, Severus enjoyed the company of Lupin's visitors, and sometimes, he drew the curtain between them and pretended to sleep until whoever it was -- usually Potter -- went away.

At night, Severus was not all right. He was plagued by nightmares, and he found himself grateful that Lupin was a night owl like himself. In the night, it was easier to be honest, and slowly, they began talking of other things, such as the war, the Battle of Hogwarts, and the respective roles they had played. Lupin seemed genuinely interested in how Severus had managed to maintain his cover for so long, and Severus discovered it was easier to be honest in writing than it was in speaking, and he found himself admitting to things he had done, things he wasn't proud of, things he hadn't spoken of to anyone, not even Albus. He wrote about that night at the top of the Astronomy Tower, and Lupin read what he had written and nodded.

"You did what you had to do," Lupin said. "I understand." 

Inexplicably, Severus felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 

That night was the first night he didn't have any nightmares. He dreamed. Oh, yes, he dreamed! Instead of being entwined in Nagini's fatal embrace, Severus' dream-self was entwined with Lupin on his hospital bed, their naked bodies writhing and glistening with sweat as they kissed, their tongues twining in the hottest, messiest kiss Severus had ever experienced, asleep or awake. 

He awoke with a start, panting and sweating, but for an entirely different reason this time. He brushed it off as an aberration, nothing more than his body's natural response to surviving. Sex was, after all, the most basic and primal way of celebrating life, and while he hadn't had the opportunity to indulge in quite some time, Severus was hardly immune to the pleasures of the flesh. 

But the following night, he dreamed of Lupin again. This time, they were in a pool of water, and Lupin was splayed upon a mossy rock while Severus knelt between his legs. Severus could practically taste Lupin's damp, salty flesh; he could almost feel the slide of Lupin's thick cock between his lips and hear Lupin's moans escalating into cries. 

He woke up and found his dream-self was not the only one to have achieved release, and he snarled quietly as he struggled to clean up himself and the sheets with wandless magic before a Healer came in to check on him and noticed his messy state. 

He found himself studying Lupin the next day and wondering if the reality bore any resemblance to the dream -- and wondering if he could coax Lupin into helping him find out. On this, the other side of his life, he found the idea of being attracted to Lupin less objectionable than he would have before. Lupin was intelligent and reasonably good-looking, and the fact that he was a werewolf didn't put off Severus, who was drawn to Dark creatures like a moth to a flame. 

On the third night, Lupin lay beneath Severus' dream-self with his wrists bound and his legs spread. In the dream, Lupin arched beneath him, gasping for air, and moaned helplessly as Severus covered him; Severus rocked his hips and thrust deep again and again and again, moving slowly to prolong the sweet agony for them both. The welcoming heat of Lupin's body surrounded him, making his need spiral higher, and he groaned Lupin's name -- "Remus... Remus... Remus..." -- and was gratified to hear Lupin moaning for him as well. 

"Severus... Severus... _Severus_!"

Severus awoke, startled and disoriented, and he stared up at Lupin wild-eyed. "What?" he croaked, his voice harsh and ugly but more or less functional once more. 

"You were saying my name," Lupin said, gazing down at him with concern. "I thought something was wrong." 

"No." 

Severus sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, looking at Lupin; in the dim light, Lupin looked younger and vulnerable, and Severus couldn't shake the memory of his dream-self sheathed in Lupin's tight, willing arse. Still aroused and half-asleep, he snaked one hand out and clamped it on the back of Lupin's head, drawing him into a kiss. 

Lupin froze, but Severus skimmed his tongue along the seam of Lupin's lips, seeking entrance, and after a moment, Lupin parted his lips on a moan, and Severus slipped his tongue between them, feeling a surge of triumph mingled with fresh desire. He was _right_. Lupin _was_ gay. But he wasn't in the mood to gloat at the moment; he was too caught up in exploring Lupin's mouth, touching and tasting and claiming, and Lupin slid his arms around Severus' shoulders and twined his tongue with Severus' in return, a passive participant no longer. 

Severus wasn't certain how long the kiss went on, only that it was just as deep and messy as the kiss in his first dream had been, and he found he liked the reality much better. Lupin's lips were soft and pliant, and his body felt good in Severus' arms; Severus would have been content to go on kissing Lupin indefinitely, but then Lupin drew back, his cheeks flushed and his lips kiss-swollen and rosy. 

"Someone might come in," Lupin murmured. 

"So?" Severus raised one eyebrow, and Lupin averted his gaze. 

"So it hasn't been that long since Tonks died." Lupin pulled away and took a few steps back, wrapping his arms around his midsection protectively. 

"Grief or guilt?" Severus asked, giving Lupin a pointed look.

There was a flash of something feral and dangerous in Lupin's eyes, but it faded quickly into rueful chagrin. "Both, I suppose," he replied. "I never loved her as I should have. As she wanted me to. She deserved better than what she got." 

"It was her own damned fault for pursuing a gay man," Severus replied curtly, folding his arms across his chest. 

Lupin boggled at him. "You _knew_?" 

"I guessed. Correctly," Severus said with no little trace of smugness. "A straight man wouldn't have spent a year running from an attractive young woman who was all but offering herself up naked on a silver platter and then let himself be herded into marriage. Besides, I saw how you always looked at James Potter when you thought no one was watching." 

"I can't believe you noticed." Lupin shook his head, seeming torn between amusement and embarrassment. 

_Only because I was looking at you_ , Severus thought, but he wasn't about to voice his thoughts aloud. "How did you get roped into marrying her so quickly? I've always wondered." 

"I was ambushed in Bill Weasley's hospital room on the night Albus died," Lupin replied softly. He turned and limped back to his own bed, perching on the edge. "When Fleur said she didn't care what Bill looks like, Tonks used that as an opportunity to announce her feelings for me in front of everyone else in the room, including Minerva and Molly."

"I almost feel sorry for you," Severus remarked. 

"Thank you," Lupin replied dryly. "I didn't want to marry her, but with the collective pressure of nearly everyone we knew, it was difficult to argue."

"You could have told them the truth."

"I could have, yes," Lupin admitted. "But I wasn't ready to bear the stigma of being both a werewolf and a homosexual."

"It isn't that much of a stigma," Severus pointed out. "Albus Dumbledore was as gay as a picnic basket."

"Albus was one of the most powerful wizards in the world and a war hero," Lupin replied, his tone sharper than usual. "He also wasn't a werewolf. It would be different for me."

"Only because you care too damned much what people think," Severus retorted. "You want to be liked, and so you hide everything but the most bland, innocuous parts of yourself and try to fit in, but you never have, and you never will." He swung his legs back onto the bed and leaned back against his pillow. "I've watched you play your little game since we were eleven years old. You're still losing, and it's still pathetic." 

"Why did you kiss me, then, if I'm so pathetic?"

Severus hadn't expected the tables to be turned on him, and he stared at Lupin, surprised by the abrupt twist in the conversation. 

"I was dreaming," he said at last, deciding he might as well admit the truth. "I was half-asleep, and it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"You were dreaming... about me?" Lupin's eyes widened. 

"It was your name you heard, wasn't it?" Severus replied crossly, scowling. "You woke me right when things were getting interesting."

"I'm sorry." Then Lupin laughed and shook his head, raking his fingers through his hair. "I'm apologizing for interrupting an erotic dream! Maybe I really am as pathetic as you say I am." 

Severus gave Lupin a look meant to convey that _his_ feelings on the subject ought to be perfectly clear. He wasn't entirely certain why his subconscious had decided to dredge up erotic fantasies about Lupin, and he wasn't entirely certain he was happy about it, his reluctant attraction to Lupin not withstanding. 

"It isn't that I'm not attracted to you," Lupin said, gazing at Severus steadily. "It would be futile of me to pretend I'm not when I kissed you back." 

"When you wrapped yourself around me like ivy and attempted to extract my tonsils, you mean."

Color rose in Lupin's cheeks again, and he glanced away. "Yes, that." He cleared his throat, his fingers tightening around the handle of his cane. "I only wanted to say that it isn't lack of... of desire," he admitted. "But the timing is all wrong." 

"Let me know when you're tired of being a martyr," Severus replied, and with a wave of his hand and a muttered incantation, he drew the curtain between them and doused the light.


	2. July, 1998

The day after their late night snog, Lupin was released from St. Mungo's. Severus, whose pride was still stung by the rejection, didn't bid him farewell and merely grunted when Lupin said that he and his son would be living with Andromeda Tonks for the time being if Severus wanted to contact him for anything.

Privately, Severus thought he would be damned if he contacted Lupin, not when it was clear Lupin hadn't changed. He still cared too much about not drawing attention to himself and about what other people thought of him, which meant he would never choose Severus as a lover. Severus was a walking, talking controversy, a war hero to some and a scoundrel to others, and fine, upright citizens like Molly Weasley and Harry bloody Potter would never approve of Lupin taking up with the likes of him. 

The problem was that his subconscious refused to comply. He wasn't certain if it was because he had been celibate for so long and his libido had latched onto the first warm body to come along or if it was because his long-ignored attraction to Lupin had inexplicably shaken off its dormancy and reared its head now that Severus was a free man and able to think about such things as sex and emotional entanglements that would have been too dangerous for himself and his partner before. 

_Not_ that he considered Lupin a suitable partner! Not really. A good tumble, perhaps. But the man had chronic avoidance issues and a small child to boot. It would be foolish to consider him as a serious option. 

_Very_ foolish, Severus told himself sternly. Very, _very_ foolish. 

And he did not think about Lupin at all for the two remaining days he was in St. Mungo's. He did _not_ think about Lupin's tall, lanky body or his slender fingers or his warm smile. Not at all. He continued not thinking about Lupin when he was released and returned to his house at Spinner's End, and his dreams had nothing to do with reliving that kiss and relishing the soft mobility of Lupin's lips against his. 

Not thinking about Lupin was easier for Severus once he was home and could focus on tidying up the house and doing some repair work and adding some protective wards. He had company, too. Minerva came to request his assistance in repairing areas of Hogwarts that had been damaged during the battle. 

"I still have to clean up the mess those blasted Carrows left behind as well," she said tartly, and then she paused to sip her steaming hot Darjeeling before giving him a speculative look over the rim of her cup. "Not to mention I need someone to fill the new teaching position," she added casually. "We believe the curse on the Defense position was broken once You Know Who died, but just to be certain, I removed the course from the curriculum and replaced it with a new course: Magical Defense in Theory and Practice." 

"Same class, different name?" Severus drawled. 

"Essentially, yes, but I do want to tailor it toward being more of practical use in case such a situation arises again." 

"We do seem to have a new dark wizard every generation or so." Severus regarded her steadily and waited for her to blink, figuratively speaking, first. 

She stared back, and after a moment, she tutted and shook her head, her lips pursed in a reproachful moue. "You're going to make me ask, aren't you, you dreadful man?" 

"Naturally." Severus sipped his tea with the placidity of a Buddha and managed to refrain from smirking. 

"Very well." Minerva lifted her chin. "I want you to return to Hogwarts and teach Magical Defense. Will you do it?" 

"What about Potions?" 

"I had hoped Horace would retire again, but he has declared his intention of remaining the Potions master for at least another year, or I would have offered you a choice of positions," she replied. "He will remain Head of Slytherin as well." 

Severus frowned at that. He had hoped for another chance to lead Slytherin House and take it in a different direction now that his actions weren't dictated by the demands of two warring generals. 

"It seems Horace has experienced something of an epiphany," she continued in a gentler tone, as if sensing his disappointment. "He wants to 'do better' by the Slytherin students, as he put it." She paused and added, "There isn't anything to stop you from helping, you know." 

"True," he conceded, inclining his head to acknowledge the point. 

He wasn't entirely certain he wanted to return to Hogwarts after everything that had happened there -- most of it bad -- but he didn't have many other options, and he thought perhaps this time, he could build a different legacy at the school, one he would be proud to leave behind. 

"I accept," he said at last, reaching for a ginger biscuit, and Minerva beamed at him. 

"Thank you, Severus. I'm sure you won't regret it." 

"We shall see," he replied neutrally. 

Once he began helping with the repairs at the school, his life became quite full and busy; he reconnected with former colleagues, some more easily than others, but the roughness of his voice and the scars peeking out from his high collar did much to soften the attitude of even those who were most angry with him. He returned home each evening tired but satisfied by the day's work. It was easier not to think about Lupin when his days were occupied with intensive labor, but dreams still plagued him at night, fueled by memories of their single kiss. 

He refused to contact Lupin, however, clinging to his stubborn pride, and he harbored no secret hope that Lupin would contact _him_. He assumed Lupin was off being polite and obsequious somewhere and not thinking about him at all. Thus he was shocked to answer a knock on his door one evening and find Lupin standing on the other side of it.

"Hello, Severus." Lupin's voice was quiet and calm as always. "May I come in?" 

"If you insist on it." Severus stood aside to allow Lupin inside the house, and he guided Lupin to the small sitting room with its shabby furniture and walls lined with bookshelves. "What do you want?" he asked once they were both seated, Lupin on the sofa and Severus on one of the squashy chairs by the fireplace. 

It was one of the few times Severus had ever seen Lupin appear uncomfortable, and he took some small bit of satisfaction in the sight. Lupin's armor had always been so smooth and perfect, and Severus had longed to find a chink somewhere, anything that would make the placid, polite mask slip just a little. 

"I've been thinking about our time together in the hospital," Lupin said slowly, almost hesitantly. 

Refusing to give any quarter, Severus gazed steadily at him, unblinking. "And?"

Lupin released a short, choppy breath. "And I realized we got on quite well, better than we ever have before. I thought... _hoped_ you might be interested in continuing the friendship." 

"Just friendship?" Severus raised a questioning eyebrow. 

"Well, yes." Lupin rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "As I said before, it hasn't been that long since Tonks died, and I'm living with her mother."

"And you couldn't possibly get involved with someone like me," Severus said, his husky voice heavy with sarcasm. 

"I didn't say that," Lupin replied, frowning. 

"You didn't have to." Severus lifted his chin proudly. "I'm not stupid. I know an involvement with me would do nothing to help your eternal attempts to be well-liked and universally approved of. Frankly, I'm surprised you're willing to be associated with me at all, even merely as a friend." 

Color rose in Lupin's thin cheeks, but he didn't look away. "Frankly, I'm _not_ surprised you're lashing out at me over this. You can't make anything easy, can you, not even a simple offer of friendship." 

"As if anything has ever been simple between us!" Severus gripped the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white, and he leaned forward, his gaze intent. "Don't be na•ve, Lupin. It doesn't become you at your age." 

"What do you want from me, then?" Lupin asked wearily. 

"Honesty." Severus pushed himself to his feet and moved to stand in front of Lupin, who also rose as if he didn't want to give Severus the advantage of height, forcing Severus to look up instead of down. "Is friendship what you really want?" 

Lupin's face was etched with lines of misery as he shook his head. "It's all I can have," he whispered. 

"Bollocks!" Severus barked. "You could have whatever you like, but you don't dare try for it. If it isn't _safe_ , you want nothing to do with it." He curled his lip in a disdainful sneer. "The war is over, Lupin, and we both almost died. I would have thought that would be enough motivation for you to change." 

"Have _you_ changed?" Lupin asked pointedly. 

"I'm not a mealy-mouthed rug who lets the opinions of others dictate his actions." 

"No, you're the wasp-tongued bastard who sits in judgment on everyone else and heaps scorn upon their heads if they don't meet your exacting standards." 

Although he was impressed by the show of spirit, Severus refused to show it, bristling at Lupin instead. "If I'm such an obnoxious bastard, why in Merlin's name do you want to be friends with me?"

"Because I _like_ you, you insufferable git!" Lupin raked the fingers of both hands through his hair and blew out a frustrated sigh. "Merlin only knows why, but I do. I always have. I admire your intelligence, and I envy your strength, and..."

Severus gave him  a droll look. "And you have a thing for big-nosed men?" he asked dryly. 

"That too." Lupin laughed quietly and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't intend for this to be so complicated." 

"It doesn't have to be. You're the one making it complicated. If it were up to me, we would get on with the shagging," Severus stated matter-of-factly. 

Lupin's breath hitched, and he gazed at Severus intently, seeming to search for something, although Severus had no idea what it could be. 

"I want _something_ in my life to  be simple," Lupin said softly. 

"Sex is simple," Severus replied. "Or it would be, if you would stop being stupid about it." 

"It's that easy, is it?" Lupin laughed again, a lighter sound this time. "I stop being stupid, and we can get on with the shagging." 

"The brilliant shagging," Severus corrected, and Lupin laughed louder. 

They gazed at one another in silence for a moment, and Lupin's features softened, the corners of his eyes crinkling with amusement, and then as if by some unspoken accord, they moved closer, each one reaching out simultaneously to enfold the other in an embrace. 

This kiss was, in Severus' opinion, better than the first because it wasn't a surprise to either of them, and they knew how their mouths fit together this time. Severus slowly walked Lupin backward until Lupin's back was against the nearest bookshelf, there being no free wall space, aside from above the only window and a few inches on either side of the doors. But Lupin didn't seem to mind since he  moaned and arched against Severus, and Severus pressed against Lupin in return, wanting to feel the solid warmth of Lupin's body, to convince himself that this was real and not another one of those damned dreams. 

When they broke apart at last, Lupin was panting, and Severus could already feel his body growing tight with need. He insinuated his thigh between Lupin's legs, fitting against him as tightly as possible, and Lupin gave a soft, needy gasp and rocked his hips. 

"Is this like one of your dreams?" Lupin asked. 

"My dreams haven't been exactly like this, but similar," Severus replied, his voice sounding even huskier than usual to his own ears. 

"Where did we go from here in your dream?"

Severus searched Lupin's face for any sign of mockery or amusement, but Lupin seemed genuinely curious -- and aroused. There was a heated glitter in Lupin's eyes, and Severus thought he glimpsed something feral lurking in the pale blue depths as well. He shivered, wondering what it would be like to unleash the wolf in bed, and he decided he wanted to find out one day. 

"Do you want me to tell you or show you?" There was more than a hint of challenge in Severus' voice; he wanted to be damned certain that Lupin couldn't say later that he'd been coerced or he'd got caught up in the moment and didn't realize what he was doing.

"Show me," Lupin said, sounding breathless. 

Smirking, Severus sank to his knees and unfastened the fly of Lupin's baggy corduroy trousers, and he pushed Lupin's trousers and underpants down together until they sagged around Lupin's shins. He rested one hand on Lupin's hip, caressing the jut of bone with his thumb, and he curled the other around the base of Lupin's cock, which was already half-hard and promising delicious length. 

A simple charm took care of Severus' gag reflex, and he wasted no time in wrapping his mouth around Lupin's cock, drawing it deeper until his nose rested against the dark curls at the base of it. He could hear Lupin utter a strangled obscenity, far stronger language than Severus had ever heard him use before, and if his mouth wasn't already busy, he might have smirked again. 

But he was too caught up in tasting Lupin's flesh and savoring the warm, musky scent of arousal that filled his nose as he lapped and sucked, using every bit of skill he possessed to drive Lupin mad. 

He felt Lupin rest one hand on the back of his head hesitantly, and when Severus didn't bat it away, Lupin grew bolder, stroking Severus' hair and then burying his fingers in it, cradling Severus' skull in his palm. The gesture spoke of intimacy, and Severus found himself relaxing in response, reassured that he was not merely being used; he'd had quite enough of that for one lifetime, and he wanted this stage of his life to be different. 

It wasn't long before Lupin was moaning and rocking his hips helplessly, and Severus brought him to the edge and back over and over, wanting to make Lupin lose control and unleash the wildness Severus had seen in his eyes. But while Lupin was more responsive than Severus would have imagined, he didn't lose control, not completely, although the ragged cries that escaped Lupin when he came were satisfying enough for Severus. 

He rocked back on his heels and looked up at Lupin, whose face was flushed and dappled with sweat, and tendrils of hair clung to his cheeks. Lupin's eyes were wide as he stared down at Severus as if he couldn't quite believe what had just happened, and Severus surged to his feet and kissed him before Lupin could say anything stupid that would ruin the moment. 

Groaning, Lupin parted his lips and darted his tongue out, seeming eager to taste himself in Severus' mouth, and he wound his arms around Severus' shoulders, pulling him close. Severus sighed into the kiss, relieved that he hadn't been pushed away, and he slid his arms around Lupin's waist in return, lingering over the kiss. 

When they broke apart, Lupin reached down to pull up his trousers and underpants, and he glanced uncertainly at Severus. "Would you like me to...?" He trailed off and gestured vaguely at Severus' midsection. 

"Not this time." Severus stepped back, ignoring his own aching cock; he could satisfy himself once Lupin was gone, and he wanted to make a point. "Next time," he said, lifting his chin and giving Lupin a searching look. "If there _is_ a next time. That will be entirely up to you. If you come here again, you had better not spout any nonsense about being Ôjust friends'. I want an agreement that we will satisfy each other's sexual needs." 

"Friends with benefits, you mean," Lupin replied, seeming amused for some reason, but Severus nodded firmly. 

"Yes. If you aren't prepared to agree to that, then don't bother coming back."

"Very well," Lupin said softly as he fastened his trousers and straightened his clothes. "I'll think about it and let you know." 

"You do that." Severus folded his arms and moved aside so Lupin could edge past him. "You can see yourself out, I assume." 

"Yes." Lupin glanced around the room briefly, his expression seeming to become longing as he took in the numerous shelves crammed full of books, and Severus wondered if the temptation offered by Severus' library would be enough to coax Lupin into returning. "Good-bye, Severus." 

Severus gave a noncommittal grunt and turned away, waiting until he heard the front door close before sinking onto the sofa and unfastening his own trousers, gasping with relief when his cock sprang free. He grasped it firmly and brought himself off with only a few swift strokes, his body already taut with need after his encounter with Lupin. 

Afterward, he let his head fall back, and he closed his eyes, wondering if he would see Lupin again. If there would be a next time. If he had to guess, he would say no. He thought it far more likely that Lupin would change his mind once he was away from Severus and had time to think about the situation. Lupin would realize how bad associating with Severus was for his reputation, even if no one knew they were lovers -- and he had no illusions that Lupin would make _that_ information public -- and he would not return despite the fact that Severus had offered a simple, no-strings service that would offer them both an outlet for their sexual needs. 

"Ah, well," he sighed, cleaning up the mess in his lap with a charm and fastening his trousers again. "I suppose I should have let him bring me off after all."

With that, he rose to his feet and went to his work room to immerse himself in the comfort offered by a simmering cauldron and redouble his efforts not to think about Remus bloody Lupin once more.


	3. September, 1998

Severus wasn't certain exactly when he had become hoist on his own petard; he only knew that it had happened, because he had done the most stupid thing he could possibly have done in this situation, which was fall in love with Remus. 

It happened because to his surprise, there had been a next time. It had taken about a week, but Remus had come knocking on Severus' door again, and Severus hadn't even had time to say anything snide or cutting before Remus had kicked the door shut and launched himself at him. 

Afterward, when they were lounging naked on the couch and Severus had caught his breath at last, he had given Remus a questioning look. "I thought you would not come back," he said. "Why did you?"

"I wanted to," Remus replied, and that was all Severus could get out of him on the subject no matter how hard he tried. 

By the end of July, they had settled into a comfortable routine of meeting, talking, and shagging, and Severus was pleased.  

By the end of August, Severus had realized he had fallen in love, and he was not pleased. 

It  wasn't that he was against falling in love, really; it was more that he was against falling in love with Remus because he had no illusions about Remus ever falling in love with him or even making their relationship public. No,  the fact that they were lovers would be one more of Remus' dirty little secrets, one that he guarded closely to make certain no one would find out about and dislike him for it. 

Severus found himself wanting more than trysts at his house that lasted two or three hours at most before Remus claimed he had to return home to take care of his son. They never met in public, and Remus never stayed overnight. Severus was feeling used again, and he didn't like it despite the fact that he was the one who had initiated the affair in the first place. 

But it was Remus' fault for making him fall in love. If the sex hadn't been so good, if Remus hadn't proved to be an enjoyable companion with whom Severus had more in common than he ever expected, and if there hadn't been so many evenings passed in lively conversation about countless different topics that had provided Severus with more intellectual stimulation than he'd had in years, then none of this would have happened. It had crept up on Severus so slowly, he didn't have the chance to put a stop to it before it was too late. Therefore, it was _not_ Severus' fault at all. 

The damnable thing was that he knew he had only two options, and he couldn't make up his mind which one to choose. Either he confessed his feelings or he ended the affair. There was no third option that would result in anything but this unsatisfactory limbo state that Severus was living in now, and the more he dithered over what to do, the more cranky and snappish he became, as if he were trying to drive Remus away so the decision would be taken out of his hands. Unfortunately, Remus was still his calm, unflappable self, and he obstinately _refused_ to be driven away, which Severus thought was quite inconsiderate of him.

For a few weeks after the new school year began at Hogwarts, Severus was too busy to dither and fret about his love life; there were First Years to intimidate and Fifth and Seventh Years to whip into shape so they would not humiliate him when they took their OWLs and NEWTs, respectively, and he was adjusting to teaching the new material as well. His usual opening day speech about stoppering death and ensnaring senses wouldn't apply, and he had to think of something new and appropriate for Magical Defense that might work to get their attention.

It was a challenge to come up with lesson plans that would give the students practical experience, and Severus liked challenges. Thus he was both mentally and physically occupied, and it wasn't until  he returned to his quarters alone at night that he had time to think about how empty his rooms were and how inconvenient it would be to schedule meetings now that he was at Hogwarts and Remus was working in the new Werewolf Division at the Ministry. 

They saw little of each other during the entire month of September; Remus refused to make fire calls from Andromeda's house, which meant they had to work out their schedules and potential meeting times by letter, which annoyed Severus to no end, but he tolerated it because he wanted to see Remus as soon as possible. They managed to find a mutually agreeable time on the last Saturday of September, and Severus paced as he waited for Remus' arrival with equal parts anticipation and trepidation. 

He wasn't certain how things would go after so long an absence. What he _wanted_ to do was drag Remus to the nearest horizontal surface, tear off his clothes, and bugger him senseless. What he thought he _ought_ to do was make Remus do all the work when it came to initiating what they both wanted as retaliation for making him wait for so long and refusing to call. 

He didn't expect the awkwardness, just barely repressed need, but it was obvious as soon as Remus stepped out of the green flames and on to Severus' hearth rug that something was wrong. Remus seemed uncomfortable and reluctant to make eye contact, and they mumbled inanities about their jobs and the weather before Severus finally couldn't take it any longer. 

"Out with it!" he demanded. "What is the problem?"

Remus glanced at him, obviously startled, and then he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's just that I can't stay long after all," he said slowly. 

"Oh?" Severus folded his arms across his chest and drew himself up proudly, refusing to show the disappointment he felt. "Why not?"

"There is an engagement party for Harry and Ginny at The Burrow tonight," Remus explained. "I've been invited." 

"And of course you must go," Severus said scathingly, "despite the fact that we have not seen one another in weeks." 

"Harry will  be very disappointed if I don't go," Remus replied, pushing his hands deep into the pockets of his baggy corduroy trousers, the ones that maddened Severus because he knew what long legs and narrow hips were hidden beneath. 

Severus curled his lips in a disdainful sneer. "We certainly can't have that." 

Blowing out a sharp sigh, Remus gave him a look of mild annoyance. "It isn't any different than you having tea with Draco or going to one of the gatherings at Malfoy Manor. I don't make a fuss over you spending time with Draco, so I don't understand why you make a fuss every time I say I'm doing something that involves Harry." 

"Because _Draco_ didn't leave me to bleed to death on the floor of the Shrieking Shack," Severus retorted hotly. 

"Harry was under a great deal of stress and pressure. He didn't mean to abandon you." 

"'He looked pretty dead to me' is _not_ an excuse!" Severus curled his hands into fists by his sides, and he glared at Remus, shaking with cold fury. "Go on, then. Run off to the welcoming arms of Potter and his merry horde of Weasleys. Perhaps I will be able to spare a few minutes for you before Halloween." He lifted his chin proudly. "Or perhaps I will not." 

"Severus, that isn't fair!" Remus protested, moving closer at last. "You're punishing _me_ because we have both been busy, and that isn't entirely my fault." 

"Who is the one who refused to take calls and insisted on communicating in writing?" Severus was past the point of caring about what was fair or reasonable; he was angry, frustrated, and -- although he refused to admit it -- hurt, and he wanted to make damned certain Remus didn't walk away unscathed. "Who is the one canceling the first meeting we have had in weeks? You put Potter and the rest of your friends ahead of us!" 

"As far as I know, there is no us," Remus retorted, and Severus reared back as if he had been struck, spots of hectic color appearing on his cheeks. Remus peered at him, seeming to scrutinize him, and he quickly glanced away, but it was too late. " _You_ were the one who made it clear you wanted no-strings sex," Remus said, moving closer still, but Severus stood his ground and refused to take a step back even if it meant Remus encroaching on his personal space. "When did that change, exactly?"

"It hasn't!" Severus protested, but he could see in Remus' expression that Remus didn't believe him. 

"Bollocks!" Remus replied in a credible imitation of Severus himself. "If you still didn't want anything more than an arrangement of convenience, you wouldn't be so angry now. You wouldn't care if I had to leave or if I couldn't come at all." 

"I _don't_ care, and you're mad if you think I'm going to listen to any more of this nonsense." Severus whirled and began to stalk away -- although where he thought he was going, he didn't know \-- but Remus grabbed his arm and spun him around again. 

"What happened to change things?" Remus demanded, holding fast to Severus' upper arms and refusing to let go no matter how much Severus tugged and twisted. "More importantly, why didn't you tell _me_ your feelings had changed?" Remus stared intently into Severus' eyes, and Severus found himself trapped in that fierce gaze. "What do you want, Severus?"

"I want you to let me go and leave me the hell alone!" 

Severus forced himself to rally and wrenched free of Remus' grip, but Remus growled and grabbed him again, and Severus ignored the explosion of arousal that detonated within him at the sound of the growl, forcing himself to shove at Remus' shoulders instead. They grappled, and somewhere in the midst of it, Severus stopped thinking about getting away; Remus shoved him against the wall, and they stared at each other, their silence ripe with burgeoning potential. 

Afterward, Severus wasn't certain who had stopped fighting first; he only knew that he found himself in the middle of a bruising, demanding kiss without having made the conscious decision to kiss Remus, but he wasn't about to stop, not when this was what he had craved all these weeks alone. He had missed the way Remus' kisses tasted faintly of tea and the wild, musky scent that rose from Remus' skin when he was aroused.

When they parted at last, the sound of their labored breathing filled the still and silent room, and Severus' anger had drained away, replaced by need. Remus' eyes were glowing, and Severus fancied he could see the wolf peeking at him; he longed to call it out, but that would be foolish when he had no idea whether this... arrangement was even going to last the night. 

Remus shifted closer and insinuated his thigh between Severus' legs, and Severus couldn't hold back a whimper as Remus rocked suggestively against him. 

"Is there an us, Severus?" Remus murmured against his lips. 

"Not if you persist in sneaking around and treating this like another one of your dirty little secrets," Severus retorted, although his voice was ragged with arousal, and he didn't stop rocking his hips in unison with Remus'. "If you are ashamed, then there is nothing after tonight." 

Rather than release Severus and flee -- which was what Severus expected -- Remus cupped Severus' cheek in his palm, his features softening as a faint smile curved his lips. "I didn't see the point in making an announcement about something I thought was temporary. But if it isn't..." He leaned close and began trailing little nipping kisses along Severus' jaw down to his throat. 

"You aren't ashamed?" Severus asked, even as he tilted his chin up to accommodate the kisses, his breath hitching in his chest. 

"No." The words were spoken against Severus' skin. "I don't want to hide anything if there is to be an us." 

A tight, hard knot deep within Severus unraveled, leaving him feeling far more buoyant of spirit than he had felt in longer than he could remember, and he wound his arms around Remus' shoulders, releasing a soft sigh. 

This time, the kiss they shared was leisurely, and Severus felt as if a bargain had been struck and sealed. He was bound to Remus now, and while his old instincts gave him a momentary flash of panic at the thought, he knew this binding was different. Better. He might be hurt in the end, but at least there would be good sex, good conversation, and no risking of life and limb along the way. 

"You should be going," he said at last, licking his lips to savor the taste of Remus' on them. "You'll be late for Potter's party." 

"The party can wait." Remus grinned, a rare and pleasant sight. "We'll be fashionably late." 

"We?"

"Yes."

It was one word, quietly spoken, but it was enough to make Severus feel as if his heart had exploded in his chest. He gazed up at Remus, searching his face for any sight of doubt or hesitation, but there was none. 

"Are you certain?" he asked. "Walking into that house with me in tow will not make Potter happy. Or anyone else, for that matter." 

"Well, Minerva and Kingsley will probably be there, and they like you," Remus said, lifting his shoulders in an insouciant shrug. "And you forget Harry isn't quite as adamant in his dislike of you these days. He respects you a great deal more now. Besides, the invitation said we could bring a guest. They didn't say the guest had to be universally beloved by all in attendance." 

Severus stared at him, nonplussed. "All right, where the bloody hell is the real Remus Lupin, and what have you done with him?" he demanded. 

Remus laughed outright at that, his pale eyes dancing with mirth. "Where is the mealy-mouthed rug, you mean?" he asked, giving Severus an amused look. "I realized you were right about me."

"I know I was," Severus said, not bothering to hide his smirk. 

"I can see you're going to be gracious about this." Remus' lips quirked, as if he were trying not to laugh again. "At any rate, I thought about what you said, especially the bit about nearly dying. It made me realize I have a second chance. A chance to stop making the same mistakes I've made over and over my entire life. I'm ready to break the pattern. I want this stage of my life to be different and hopefully better than the last." 

"It's about damned time," Severus replied, and Remus nodded. 

"Yes, it is," he agreed affably. "Now then. Would you rather talk about how right you were some more, or would you rather get on with the shagging?"

"I would rather be on time for the party." Severus met Remus' look of surprise with equanimity. 

Remus stared at him for a long moment, but realization slowly dawned in Remus' eyes, and he chuckled and shook his head. "I see. You would rather put off the shagging in favor of rubbing your presence in the noses of those who will be shocked and dismayed to see you there with me." 

Privately, Severus wondered if he was growing too transparent in his state of post-war contentment or if Remus understood him far better than he realized. Outwardly, he lifted his chin and gazed haughtily at Remus. "After all these weeks of going without, I would rather not rush the shagging," he said, trying to sound as if he were doing this out of the goodness of his heart for the benefit of them both. "If you come home with me afterward, we could take our time." He paused, hesitating as he debated the wisdom of voicing his next thought aloud. "You could even stay the night, if you liked," he added, affecting a disinterested tone as if it were of no consequence to him either way. 

Remus paused, his expression pensive, before answering. "I could, yes," he said at last, and Severus released a breath he scarcely realized he had been holding. "I haven't spent a night apart from Teddy since I was released from the hospital, but it could be arranged." 

"Then it is settled," Severus said, quite pleased with how the evening had turned out, despite the rocky start. 

Ten minutes later, they were being ushered into The Burrow by Percy Weasley, who shook Severus' hand as well as Remus' and seemed to be genuinely pleased that Severus had come. Then again, Percy had always struck Severus as being the most sensible and tolerable of the Weasley lot. 

"Remus, I'm so glad you've come." Molly bustled over and enfolded Remus in an embrace. "It'll do you good to be among people." She turned to Severus, and the temperature around them plummeted to arctic levels. "Professor Snape." She gave him a dubious once-over. "I didn't realize Harry invited you." 

"Harry didn't," Remus replied easily, reaching for Severus' hand. "I did." He widened his eyes and gave her the most ingenuous look Severus had ever seen, surpassing even the looks of students who were attempting to explain why it wasn't their fault they hadn't completed their assignments on time. "The invitation said we could bring a guest. I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner." 

Silence spread throughout the room in an ever-expanding wave as those closest to them heard the conversation and noticed their joined hands; nudging elbows and murmured comments alerted those who were farther away and couldn't see for themselves. Severus gripped Remus' hand tightly and stood ramrod straight, refusing to be cowed by the stares and muttering. Molly's expression darkened, but before she could reply, Bill stepped forward and clapped Remus on the shoulder. 

"No need to apologize," he said jovially. "Mum has enough food to feed an army." He turned to Severus and smiled. "I hear you're teaching the new practical defense course. Have you considered spending more time covering the field of curse-breaking?"

Once he had been drawn into discussion, Severus found himself with no lack of conversationalists, and there were more people in attendance who didn't seem eager to pitch him right back out the door than he thought there would be. He even managed a civil exchange with Potter, if nodding tersely and saying, "Potter" and "Snape" to each other constituted a civil exchange. Ginny Weasley was quite pleasant to him, in fact, and discussed how the House Quidditch teams were shaping up with good cheer, which surprised him. Then again, she seemed to have developed a liking for him ever since he sent her off to serve detention in the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid. He had known at the time she wouldn't see it as a real punishment, but he hadn't thought he would end up on her good side because of it. 

Remus was dragged away for a private conversation and emerged with his calm demeanor seeming strained around the edges. After the third time it happened, Remus returned to Severus' side with an angry glint in his eyes and his mouth set in a determined line. Severus immediately wanted to kiss him, but he supposed they had made enough of a scene for one evening. Of course, it didn't help that he was still feeling the lingering effects from their earlier groping and snogging, even though it had been his idea to wait. If he had known it would mean aching with frustrated need every time he looked at Remus, he might have made a different decision. 

"I don't suppose you would fancy some fresh air?" he asked casually instead, and Remus glanced at him, appearing surprised at first, but he must have seen something in Severus' eyes that betrayed his true motives, because Remus' expression turned knowing. 

"I would love some fresh air," he said. 

As soon as they were outside and safely obscured by the shadows of a tall tree, they collided in each other's arms, and Severus wasted no time in shoving Remus' back against the trunk of the tree as they devoured each other's mouths with rapacious hunger. Remus was moaning, and Severus swallowed those moans greedily, delighting in the sound and the knowledge that he had caused them. 

When they broke apart, Remus hooked his leg around Severus' and began thrusting hard against Severus' thigh, his eyes half-lidded and his lips parted as he sucked in ragged breaths. With a toe-curling jolt, Severus realized Remus wasn't just teasing him with the erotic undulations; Remus was trying to bring himself off on Severus' leg right there within shouting distance of Potter, the Weasleys, and a number of their acquaintances. 

"Bad wolf," he murmured, feeling his own need spike unbearably. 

" _Very_ bad wolf, if you'll let me be," Remus said, his voice husky and breathless. 

"Yes," Severus hissed, swooping close to fasten his teeth on the sensitive spot beneath Remus' ear, satisfied to hear a soft cry in response. 

He bit and worried the flesh, and Remus whimpered in his ear, the rocking of Remus' hips growing faster and more desperate. Severus grasped his hips and began to move with him, silently urging him to let go; the thrill of knowing how close they were to the house, of how easily they could be caught if anyone stepped outside, made the experience all the more exhilarating for Severus, and his own breathing was growing labored as he tugged Remus' shirt free of his trousers and slipped one hand beneath it. Gliding his hand along Remus' ribcage, he caressed the warm, bare skin and pushed the folds of the shirt up so he could reach Remus' nipples, pinching and tugging them mercilessly, and Remus' moans grew louder. 

Severus could feel Remus' body growing taut, and he fastened his mouth over Remus' once more; he knew how loud Remus could be, and as thrilling as the idea of public sex was, he didn't _really_ want to experience the embarrassment of being caught simply because Remus couldn't keep his mouth shut when he came. He felt Remus' fingers digging into his shoulders, felt the strain in Remus' body as he sought elusive release, felt the rough surge of Remus' hips as he found it at last. Remus' cries of pleasure were muffled by the kiss, but they gave Severus satisfaction nonetheless, especially when the cries turned into a sated hum and the kiss softened into something less urgent and more tender. 

Remus slumped against the tree, heavy and boneless, and Severus helped prop him up as one kiss flowed into another and Remus' breathing gradually slowed to normal. Remus' eyes were half-lidded, and his lips were curved in a satisfied smile when he pulled back, and he slid his hand down Severus' chest, stroking him gently through the fabric of his jacket. 

"Your turn," Remus murmured, his smile turning wicked, and Severus sucked in a sharp, anticipatory breath. "Let me touch you." 

"Yes." The word was out before Severus had a chance to debate the wisdom of it. Had they been out here too long? Would someone realize they were gone and come looking for them? He didn't care. All he wanted in this moment was to feel Remus' fingers around his cock, offering him the release he craved. 

Remus' fingers made short work of the fastenings of Severus' trousers, and Severus couldn't hold back a gasp when Remus freed him from the confines of his trousers and underpants, the cool night air a sharp contrast to the warmth of Remus' hand. He was already hard and leaking, and Remus swiped his thumb across the head, bringing it to his mouth to taste the fluid, and heat exploded in the pit of Severus' stomach at the sight. 

Then Remus was stroking him, swift and sure, confident in the rhythm he'd set; he knew what Severus liked, knew how to touch Severus to make his knees buckle, and Severus wished he was the one with his back against the tree now. Tension coiled within him, making his back arch and his breathing turn to shallow panting, and he let his head fall back and closed his eyes, giving himself over to the pleasure Remus offered. 

He felt Remus nosing along the length of his throat, then licking and tasting, and Severus groaned, so close to the edge, so close, and then Remus bit down, and Severus clamped his lips together to keep himself from crying out as his hips bucked and he came, buffeted by seemingly endless waves of ecstasy. 

Drained, he leaned against Remus, who enfolded him in a warm embrace, and rested his head on Remus' shoulder as his hammering heart gradually slowed to its normal rate. 

"I feel very refreshed," Remus said, and Severus didn't need to look at him to know he was smiling; it was evident in his voice. "Thank you." 

"Not at all," Severus replied, his voice a lazy drawl. "How much longer do you want to stay?"

"Not much longer." Remus murmured a charm to clean them both up, and then he began to caress Severus' back with slow, gentle strokes from shoulder to hip. "When we do this again, I want to be naked and horizontal." 

"Was it terrible?"

Fortunately, Remus didn't do anything stupid like ask him if he was referring to the sex. "It was difficult. There are some people who are not happy that I am with someone so soon after my wife's death, that the someone is male, and that the someone is you," Remus said, and Severus didn't think it was his imagination that Remus' arms seemed to tighten around him. "However, they will have to accept it, or I will no longer consider them part of my life." 

That was a bold statement coming from Remus, and Severus lifted his head and gazed at him intently. "You mean that." 

"I do." Remus  nodded firmly. "I've had enough of currying favor. What did it gain me? I was destitute and no less a social outcast anyway. At least this way, I know who my true friends are." 

"True enough." Severus felt a fresh surge of desire, and suddenly there was nothing in the world he wanted to do more than get Remus naked and on his back, hook Remus' legs over his shoulders, and fuck Remus until he forgot his own name. "I think we should leave _now_." 

Remus looked at him, startled, but he must have seen the heat in Severus' eyes, because he nodded quickly, and his voice was breathless again. "Yes, let's."

The faint crack of Apparition was the only farewell either of them made to those at the party. 


	4. January-March, 1999

"I think perhaps I will be ready to look for a house by summer," Remus said casually over tea one afternoon in January. 

It was not the first time Remus had made such a remark. In October, he had casually mentioned that he was putting aside money from his wages to make a down payment on a house. "Something small and sensible," he said, "but big enough for a -- a family." 

In November, he had casually mentioned that the Ministry were paying him quite well, and with some careful budgeting -- a concept with which he was quite familiar \-- he found it wouldn't take as long as he thought to save up enough for the house.

"It isn't that I'm ungrateful to Andromeda," he had explained with only a trace of sheepishness. "But it is rather awkward living with her now that you and I are together. She isn't keen on the idea." 

What Severus had found out well after the fact was that Andromeda Tonks was so not keen on the idea that she had threatened to throw Remus out of the house if he didn't break off his relationship with Severus. Remus' response had been to pack up his and Teddy's things and move out; they had stayed at the Leaky Cauldron for three days while Remus looked for a flat, and he had made it clear Andromeda was not welcome to visit her grandson if she issued threats and ultimatums. On the fourth day, she had relented, and they had moved back in, but Severus got the impression the atmosphere in Andromeda's house was one of uneasy and chilly truce. 

That, more than Remus' unsubtle hints, was what had prompted Severus to begin making plans of his own, but he wasn't quite ready to share them with Remus yet, and so when January rolled around and Remus casually mentioned the possibility of going house-hunting by summer, Severus merely grunted in response and asked if Remus was going to eat the last lemon ginger biscuit or not. 

It wasn't that he failed to grasp what Remus was getting at. They had been together well over six months, and the rough edges had been smoothed enough for Severus to think they had a fair shot at permanency; he didn't even feel as if they were rushing since they had known each other since they were eleven, and Remus had confessed to harboring an attraction to Severus since he was fourteen. Severus did _not_ offer a reciprocal confession of adolescent infatuation, although he could have. 

It wasn't that he was reluctant to commit to cohabitating with Remus and his son, either. Remus had begun bringing Teddy with him sometimes so Teddy and Severus could get to know one another, although how one was meant to get acquainted with a creature whose primary activities were eating, sleeping, and expelling vile substances from various orifices, Severus had no idea. Then Teddy had smiled at him for the first time, and things made a great deal more sense. 

No, the reason Severus ignored the hints was because he wanted to do things his way, which involved planning a surprise for Remus' birthday. Had anyone known of his plans and dared to call them "soppy", he would have scoffed. He was, in his opinion, being pragmatic. It was obvious they were both ready to take the next step, and giving Remus a house for his birthday was Severus' way of showing his appreciation for Remus' newfound backbone; it would also get Remus out of Andromeda Tonks' house sooner, which would make things easier for everyone involved. There was nothing more to it than that. Really.

By February, Remus stopped casually mentioning anything about houses or savings; he had grown rather quiet and pensive, and sometimes Severus felt as if there was a question hanging between them, but Remus never asked it. Instead, he seemed to withdraw, and the wolf no longer peered out of his eyes when he looked at Severus, not even when they were in bed. That concerned Severus, but not enough to make him accelerate his plans; he felt certain Remus would forgive his apparent obtuseness, and given how long it took Remus to work up to confronting people, he knew he had plenty of time to spare before Remus' patience ran out at last.

In March, Potter insisted on hosting a small dinner party for Remus' birthday; it was held at Grimmauld Place this time, and there weren't as many Weasleys in attendance because Molly Weasley still hadn't forgiven Remus for taking up with Severus, and there were others who agreed with her. Severus didn't consider it much of a loss, and Remus seemed relaxed and pleased to spend the evening in the company of those he could indeed call true friends. 

There was a chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing covered in candles, and there were gifts. Severus brought a token, a placeholder gift that was appropriate for unwrapping in mixed company and which he suspected would make Remus droop even more. A blue wool cardigan and a book on African shape-shifters were hardly romantic, after all, and Remus had given Severus a pair of black silk pajamas and a selection of massage oils for _his_ birthday. 

But Remus smiled gamely when he opened the present and said, "Thank you, Severus. I will enjoy both of them very much", but Severus could see the disappointment in his eyes. He had hoped for more, and he was probably giving himself a stern little lecture on the foolishness of hoping for sentimentality from the likes of Severus Snape. 

After the cake was eaten, the wine drunk, and all the presents opened, the party began to wind down, and Remus seemed ready to leave. Alone. He made no mention of returning to Hogwarts with Severus for a private celebration, and Severus was obliged to stop him before he could depart. 

"I would like you to return home with me," Severus said, grasping Remus' arm as he moved toward the fireplace. 

Remus smiled wearily and shook his head. "I'm sorry, but perhaps another time. I'm tired, and Teddy..."

"It won't take long," Severus interrupted, but when Remus seemed unconvinced, he leaned close and said something he rarely ever said. "Please." 

Remus' eyes widened slightly, and then he nodded. "Very well. You go along, and I will be there shortly." 

Severus had enough time to fetch his _real_ present, and he was standing in front of the fireplace with the present hidden behind his back when Remus arrived at last. After dusting off his clothes, Remus looked at Severus with frank curiosity. 

"What did you want to see me about?" he asked. 

"Sit down," Severus instructed, and Remus appeared even more curious, but he did as he was instructed and took a seat on the loveseat. "Here. This is your present. For reasons which will be obvious, I did not wish to give it to you in the presence of others." He held out the portfolio, which was not wrapped, merely tied loosely with a ribbon. 

Remus took it and untied the ribbon, his brow creasing in a puzzled frown when he opened the portfolio and held up several photographs of houses. "What is all this?" 

"These are the houses we have appointments to look at next week." 

Remus sucked in a sharp breath and glanced up at Severus. "We?"

"Yes." 

Looking down again, Remus sifted through the photographs, appearing to look at them without really seeing them. "I don't understand," he murmured. "Does this mean...?" 

"It means we are going to choose where we want to live," Severus replied, taking a seat beside Remus. "I have saved money ever since I began teaching, and Albus left me a generous sum in his will in thanks for my service. I can afford to pay for half of a down payment and half of whatever expenses are involved in setting up house." 

"You want to live with me?" Remus was still looking at him questioningly, and Severus rolled his eyes. 

"Yes, you dolt! If I must spell it out, I want to live with you. I thought it would be easier if we selected a house together. A new start, as it were. I am not attached to my house, and it isn't a very good location for raising a child anyway." 

"Are you certain?" Remus searched his face intently. "It'll be different living with Teddy rather than just having him visit every so often, you know, and I didn't think you were terribly fond of children."

"It's the arrogant ones who erroneously believe they know more than their elders and do not believe the rules apply to them that I object to," Severus replied. "Between the two of us, I should hope we manage to raise a sensible child that will be tolerable to us and to others." 

Remus chuckled and reached for Severus' hand, squeezing it tightly. "I should hope so too." He held up one of the photographs in his free hand and studied it for a moment. "I'm amazed. I had no idea you were thinking along these lines. Quite the opposite, in fact. I thought you were happy with the way things are." 

"Don't be stupid," Severus replied with a derisive snort. "We have to schedule sex, and we rarely have the opportunity to spend an entire night together. It's terribly inconvenient for me." 

"Of course," Remus murmured, an amused gleam in his eyes. 

"It might take some time for us to settle on a house in a location we both agree on that is also in our price range," Severus continued, keeping his tone nonchalant. "Then there is the matter of sorting through our belongings, buying what we need, making any necessary renovations, and moving in. We have a great deal to do, and it will not be a quick process." 

"No, likely not," Remus said, looking puzzled again. 

"Thus I spoke with Minerva recently." Severus toyed with the end of the ribbon that had bound the portfolio. "There are larger quarters available for staff with... er... a family, you know." 

"Yes, I know." Hope was rising in Remus' eyes, and he was squeezing Severus' hand hard enough that Severus thought he might have bruises later. 

"I asked Minerva if she thought it would cause problems having a werewolf living at the school," he continued, glancing sidelong at Remus from beneath his lashes. "She said it ought not because you are a war hero, and I am brewing the Wolfsbane Potion for you. She also said if there _are_ problems, she would handle it." He lifted his chin and added with far more insouciance than he felt, "If you are interested, that is." 

"How soon can we move in?" Remus asked, releasing Severus' hand and wrapping his arms around Severus' shoulders instead. 

"Whenever you like. I... er... took the liberty of requesting family quarters already," he admitted, and he leaned against Remus, relaxing into the embrace. "They come furnished, including the nursery, but we can change anything we do not like." 

"May we go and look at them now?" Remus asked, and Severus nodded. 

"Certainly. Minerva showed me where they are and gave me a key," he replied. 

Ten minutes later, they were surveying what was going to be their new living space, although Severus was paying more attention to Remus' reaction than to his surroundings. Where he lived and whether his furniture matched mattered little to him; he didn't care about the dŽcor as long as he had plenty of bookshelves. Fortunately, Remus seemed entranced as he circled the room, running his hand lightly over the backs of chairs as if he needed the assurance of touch to make this all seem real to him. 

"It's perfect," Remus said when he emerged from the nursery. "There's plenty of space for all three of us, and I like the furniture. I don't have much anyway, just a couple of heirloom pieces from my parents."

"Nothing from your married life?" Severus folded his arms and raised a questioning eyebrow. 

"I sold what Tonks had and put it in a vault in Gringott's for Teddy along with the savings she left me," Remus said. "By the time he comes of age, he'll be able to do whatever he likes, and he won't have to struggle for money." 

"Neither will you," Severus pointed out. "Not any longer." 

"No, thank Merlin. The tide of public opinion about werewolves seems to be turning at last." Remus smiled and moved closer, sliding one arm around Severus' waist. "Shall we look at our bedroom now?"

ÔOur bedroom'. Severus rather liked the sound of that. He'd never had an Ôour bedroom' before, but he was looking forward to finding out what it was like. He let himself be steered into the bedroom, and he was gratified to see they had been given a large bed, one which Remus promptly leaped onto. 

"Wonderfully firm mattress," Remus said, bouncing up and down a little. "Lots of support. I like it." He toed off his shoes and stretched out, leaning back against the pillows and looking at Severus with wide, guileless eyes. "I suppose it might benefit from some vigorous testing in case we need it changed before we move in." 

"I thought you were tired," Severus said even as he prowled over to the bed and climbed in beside Remus. 

"I seem to have got a second wind." Remus smiled ingenuously and wound his arms around Severus' shoulders, pulling him down. 

Their first kiss in their new bed was a deep and leisurely one, punctuated by soft moans and sighs as they aligned their bodies and settled in. Severus was in no hurry; this was a special occasion and not just because it was Remus' birthday. It marked a transition in his life as well as a transition in their relationship. No longer was he a bachelor whose only responsibility was for himself; he had a family now, and his life would never be the same again. He didn't care. He bid his old life farewell without a qualm, considering himself well-rid of that lonely, miserable existence. 

They undressed each other slowly, exploring with hands and mouths as layers of fabric were peeled back and stripped off, flung carelessly to the floor; Remus' pale skin glowed in the torchlight, and he stretched, putting his long, lean body on display, and Severus took smug satisfaction at being able to make Remus arch beneath his stroking hands. He could see the wolf rising in Remus' eyes, and he longed to call it out and unleash it, but Remus had always held it -- and himself \-- under strict control, never fully letting go, although Severus never asked if it was out of fear of what might happen if he did or out of distrust of how well Severus would cope with seeing that side of him.

"Let it out," he whispered hoarsely, and to his credit, Remus didn't ask what Severus meant. 

When they kissed again, it was rougher, and Severus felt a low vibration in Remus' chest rather like a growl, and it sent electric tingles all the way down to his toes; he was in bed with a dangerous Dark creature, and he _loved_ it. 

Kisses turned to bites as they rolled, Severus pinning Remus and tugging his nipples one moment and Remus pinning Severus and leaving tooth-shaped bruises all over his torso the next. Panting and sighs gave way to moans and snarls as Remus raked his nails down the length of Severus' back, leaving red welts in his wake, and Severus bit down on Remus' throat hard enough to leave a mark that would linger for days. Groaning, Remus tilted his head back, and Severus could see a feral light gleaming in his pale eyes, the man receding as the wolf rose up. 

Remus reached up and flattened his palm against Severus' cheek. "Mate," he said in a hoarse, guttural voice, and Severus curled his fingers around Remus' wrist and nodded. 

"Mate," he confirmed, and Remus' lips curved in a satisfied smile. 

Remus stretched languidly beneath Severus, his movements sinuous and fluid, somehow _more_ than human grace, and he bent his knees and let them fall open, canting his hips up slightly in a silent offering. He rested his arms on the pillow over his head, palm up with his fingers loosely curled, leaving himself exposed and vulnerable, and Severus felt his breath freeze in his lungs until he had to gasp for air at the sight. The posture of relaxed submission spoke to something dark and primal deep within him, and his need surged, demanding that he take what was being so freely offered _now_ and sate his growing hunger.

It took mere seconds to cast the preparation charms, which was a mercy, because Severus resented having to wait even that long to position himself between Remus' legs and claim Remus' welcoming body. As Severus filled him with one long, deep thrust, Remus moaned and braced his feet on the bed, his eyes growing wild. 

"Hard," he growled, his fingers digging into Severus' bare shoulders. "Hard as you can. I want to still feel it tomorrow." 

Severus was surprised by the request; Remus had never asked for anything like that before, and except for rare and fleeting flashes of something wilder and more dangerous, he had been the sort of lover Severus expected him to be: thoughtful and courteous. Not boring by any means, but not like this either, and Severus wasn't about to refuse the invitation. 

As he gazed down at Remus, it seemed to him as if each thrust caused something to loosen, cracking Remus open wider and wider, the thin veneer of civilization crumbling and leaving Severus with a growling, savage lover beneath him. Remus' nails scored his back, and Severus didn't care even when he felt blood running down his sides; he would have scars, perhaps even develop a taste of raw meat, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except Remus' tight body sheathing him, Remus' narrow hips surging up to meet his rough and demanding thrusts, Remus surrendering his body and his mouth -- his very self -- to Severus' pleasure. 

Severus pushed his hand between their writhing bodies and found Remus' cock, hard and leaking, and it took only a few swift strokes before Remus thrust his hips against Severus' fist and howled as he came. His face was beautifully flushed, his hair was tousled, and his skin was dappled with sweat when he collapsed, panting for breath, and gazed up at Severus with eyes half-lidded in satiation. But his own post-coital languor didn't stop him from rocking his hips and sliding his palms down Severus' chest until he could tug and tweak Severus' nipples, making Severus gasp from the exquisite pleasure-pain of it. 

Tension coiled ever tighter within Severus as he began to move again, teasing Remus with slow and shallow thrusts that made Remus whimper until it was too much for him to bear, and he let go, not making love to but _fucking_ Remus hard and fast, desperate need overwhelming him as he drove into Remus' pliant body again and again, lost in the heat and sweat and pleasure, wanting to come, wanting it never to end, and he cried out Remus' name as he was overcome at last. 

He slumped atop Remus, limp and panting, and Remus hummed softly and stroked his damp back until he could breathe and think clearly again. Only then did he roll off Remus and shift to lie beside him instead, throwing one arm across Remus possessively, and Remus rolled to face him and nestled closer, tangling his legs with Severus' as they lay quietly together. 

"I will definitely feel this tomorrow," Remus said, his voice soft and drowsy, and he smiled as he sifted his fingers through Severus' hair. "Thank you." 

"I aim to please," Severus replied with a slight smirk, earning a chuckle from Remus in response. "I assume the bed meets your approval, and we don't need to ask for a replacement." 

"No, I don't think I could part with this bed now. I have too many fond memories in it already." Remus leaned close and pressed a light but lingering kiss to Severus' lips. "I'll start packing our things tomorrow after work. I have to return to Andromeda's house tonight, but I want this to be the last night you and I spend apart." 

"Would you like me to come and help you?" Severus asked. "I can avoid giving detentions or at least delay having the little reprobates serve them for a few days until we are moved and settled in." 

Remus paused, seeming to consider the idea, and then he nodded. "Yes, I'd like some help. It would make everything go more quickly. If you don't mind Andromeda being less than friendly, that is," he added, a twinkle in his eyes, and Severus' noisy "pfft!" made him laugh outright. "It isn't as if we have a great deal to be moved. Teddy has more than I do, I dare say."

"The benefits of having a doting grandmother, I suppose," Severus said dryly. 

"Something like that." Remus smiled and kissed Severus again before rolling away. He perched on the edge of the bed and glanced over his shoulder, his expression mischievous. "Shall we test the shower before I leave?"

He didn't have to ask twice. 


	5. June, 1999

Severus didn't know how to calculate their anniversary. Was it the day he kissed Remus in the hospital? The day they became lovers? The day they moved in together? He didn't know, and Remus didn't seem to care, preferring to make a fuss over Christmas and birthdays instead. 

What he did know was that it had been just over a year since he had woken up in St. Mungo's, surprised to find himself still alive. And here he was, peering out the window of a cottage he shared with his partner and the child they were raising. 

Outside, Remus was playing in the grass with Teddy, the two of them rolling a bright red ball back and forth between them. Teddy was laughing, and Remus looked relaxed and happy, and Severus watched and wondered, as he sometimes did, if this was all some kind of elaborate dream or if he really had died and been granted admittance to heaven somehow. 

Then again, he supposed children wouldn't cry in the middle of the night or need such frequent diaper changes in heaven. 

Despite the fact that he had never imagined himself as a father of his own child or anyone else's, he had adapted to the role with relative ease. Small children were easy to understand; they had simple needs and expressed said needs clearly, albeit loudly, and Severus was hardly unfamiliar with the concept of conforming to someone else's schedule and needs. At least Teddy was a more benevolent tyrant, one who smiled at him and offered affection in return for servitude. 

Nonetheless, it had still been a shock to realize that Teddy viewed _him_ as a parent just as much as Remus. In Severus' mind, Teddy was Remus' child, and he didn't see himself as Teddy's parent, just as Remus' assistant in child-rearing. But then Teddy looked at him one night after he had finished reading a bedtime story and exclaimed "Dadadadadada!", which was the same thing Teddy always called Remus, not having learned to shorten it to "Dada", much less mastered "Daddy" yet. 

Severus had been taken aback, but Remus had merely smiled and remarked that they ought to teach Teddy to call him "Papa" instead in order to distinguish between them. That was the night he had realized he would be Teddy's second parent, not just an assistant, and that was the night he had realized he really did have a family.

It had been a year since Severus had awoken to a second chance at life, and this time, he hadn't made foolish choices; this time, he had no regrets; this time, his days of watching from the outside and never belonging were over. 

Pushing himself away from the window, he headed out the back door to join Remus and Teddy in the sun. 


End file.
